Prisoner of my Past Pain

If you've ever been in jail for any reason, you know that the experience is not pleasant. You are confined in a small place and you have no freedom. Being shackled makes you feel less than human. In addition, the staff treats you as if you are a threat, dangerous, or non-important. While being a prisoner, you spend time thinking about how you got to this place and there is a time where guilt and shame can overcome you. Sometimes you hear of prisoners who have been released and still act and behave as if they are still a prisoner. Mentally, they cannot move into a place of freedom. Every day there are things that remind them of their time locked up and they can't escape that experience.  Then there are people who use the time they're locked up to reflect on the mistakes they made and what needs to be done to not be in that place again. Once these people are free, they don't forget where they have been but they use that as a catalyst to rise above their circumstances and achieve more than they have previously.  Once free, they operate in liberty and not as a prisoner.  As I have gone through life, I realized this cycle is not just for those who have been arrested. This happens to those who have experienced any emotional pain, heartbreak, or tragedy.  Maybe someone close to you died and now you are having trouble loving anyone else.  Maybe someone you loved betrayed you and now you have trouble trusting anyone else you met. Maybe as a child you have an absent parent, so now you can't love anyone else 100% completely because you are always expecting this person to walk out on you.  This is being a prisoner to the pain of your past.  Even though these events happened in the past, you have not accepted the freedom that was given to you at the end of the situation because you have allowed it to become who you are. Personally, I know that there is not one situation that I have allowed control over me, it has been multiple. From absentee parents, to broken relationships, to MANY deaths in my family....I have been a prisoner. For so long, I didn't realize that it affected me. I consider myself a strong person, I tend to go through things, shake them off and move on. What I didn't realize was that when I moved on I changed how I  interact with others. I realized I won't trust anyone 100%. I realized that I am not capable of loving completely, because in the back of my mind I am always wondering when this person will walk out on me or when will this person do something to compromise my trust in them. So I am never living my life to the fullest because I have these shackles that are constantly pulling me back when I dare to step forward and walk in freedom. Maybe as you are reading this you are seeing that you too are a prisoner to circumstances of your past. There are areas where you are holding back and you are missing out and experiencing life to its fullest.  We, including myself, have to change our perspective.  Instead of using this pain to hold us down, we have to use it move us upward. We have to redirect the pain and use it motivate us to be better versions of ourselves. We have to use these past circumstances as catalyst to be our destined selves. We can't let people of our past to continue controlling how we live our life today. We have to get to a place of healing. Healing means that the wounds are no longer open and causing pain, but we now have a beautiful scar that will remind us not to go back to where we have been but to move forward to a new place of strength, love, and freedom. Life is too short to live restricted. We have to live in an empowered place where we can soar. From this day forward, lets commit to never being a prisoner again, but instead let's live our best lives and leave our mark on the world. There are many who are waiting for us to break free, they need to see that you could do it so they can do it too!

In Love,
​Dorian